Hello Lovely Folks
It’s been a while since I blogged and to be honest, I don’t think this post will be all too amazing. You see for the past few weeks I have hit what we writers view as the worst thing ever – writer’s slump. Despite the fact I have an ongoing popular book on many apps, I cannot seem to find my mojo and what is normally my idea of fun, is currently like pulling teeth. I never thought I would see the day that I have to force myself to open a word doc and then stare blankly at a page for a good twenty minutes before one single word comes to me.
Lockdown has a lot to answer for and as my county is now classed as the worst in the country for cases, (with twice the national average) it looks like it’s not going to ease for us anytime soon. Plus I am still awaiting my vaccine letter which means for me anyway, nothing has changed and life is still like being locked up indefinitely. I guess I always thought I was an introvert who would love to stay home for an eternity, and lockdown proved me wrong. I am a social butterfly at times and the author events, outings and general interaction in life is sorely missed. I miss being active, out there and throwing my endless energy around. Even taking up cycling and going out to enjoy the scenery isn’t helping much.
Awakening is doing really well, which I am so grateful for, and pulling in new readers and fans on a daily basis. I never expected a single book to have so much weight for me, which only makes me feel even worse about the sporadic updates. I do have love in my heart for these books but my brain is on hiatus and getting it to engage is like asking a toddler to do my accounts for me. I think because I view myself as an eternal optimist and a pretty strong person, it feels kind of awful to know I am being defeated by our time in lockdown. I feel defeated and heavy and no matter how many times I tell myself to pull it all together, i cannot hold it up for more than a day. I want to bury my head, ignore chores, kids, life, and worries and watch Kdrama. It seems I cannot even pick up a book anymore. I don’t think I have baked anything in a couple of months, haven’t created any new knitted patterns you all know I love.
I know this will pass and it’s another bloop in life, for which I have had more than the average share, and I will shine again. Don’t worry, reading this I know it sounds like I am really depressed but I’m honestly not. I am overly anxious, down, and maybe a bit lacking in energy, but I have not gotten to all out depression or anything like that. So don’t fret. If I am particularly low I pop on a drama (korean love shall save me) or I will brainstorm some future book ideas and make a cover.
I just figured those pensively awaiting updates deserve a little explanation about my lack of speed writing. I am known for churning out a full book in under 4 weeks, even at 200k but lately a chapter of 2 k seems to take a week. I guess I have the lockdown blues and having two autistic kids in extreme anxiety who have not adapted to lockdown possibly lifting again, I am feeling the pressure.
I just signed Awakening with another reading app and behind the scenes I am still working on things, even if it’s not writing chapters as fast as normal. I have goals and dreams to focus on and now a list of books I want to write in the future, and my sights set firmly on one day seeing my books as webtoons and shows. I can dream, right? Know any webtoon artists who want to collab? Let me know. I live with one who is soooo talented, but she refused me the offer of turning my Awakening books into a webtoon and now I shall have to sacrifice her under the next full moon (only kidding….I may just never talk to her again, LOL)
The upside to me taking this time to admit I am struggling mentally and allowing myself to vegetate in front of Asian dramas is, I have learned a lot about my own writing style, plotting, and building a story. More so than before. I think watching writers from what is a hugely popular media outlet doing what they excel at, as they throw us into long shows, lots of emotional angst, has helped me on some level and not an entire waste of my past few weeks. Plus…eye candy. Just why are Korean men sooooo handsome? Also I discovered Kpop – go IKON!
So what I’m saying is, be patient with me. I will overcome, I always do. Lockdown will end….the black plague did. Awakening shall be finished… I have another book begging me to write it. Also I have future plans for spin off books and no intention of throwing in my keyboard yet.
I hope you are all doing better than I am, and thank you for the constant comments on my books, the FB visits and Instagram messages. All of you are so valued and part of helping me keep my act together in these tough times.
Be safe, be happy and see you all soon