Not all men……

I keep seeing posts, brave women coming forward to talk about this wave of ‘Men should be afraid’ BS I keep seeing.
I want to say something (big shock I know)
Please stop commenting ‘Not all men….’ on posts that are put up about assault, women living in fear. You just continue to silence something that has been going on for decades and whether you believe it or not , you are part of the issue. When someone posts about Men – they mean in general. Decent men do not need to be defended, they know it’s not about them. Just like when posts about the flaws of women are put up and we have the intelligence to know they mean – some women.
False accusation stats have not changed in 25 years – there is no new influx and it’s a method of applying victim hood so they do not need to face their behaviours.
There are more wrong murder allegations than sexual assault reports and no one is walking around saying – Oh my god you could be accused of murder, we should all be very afraid!!
98% of women HAVE been assaulted….maybe focus more on victims and not ‘potential accusations’. Deflection of the issue is something politicians are very good at and look how effectively they are making this about ‘poor men’
Women and men are worlds apart in terms of how they carry out everyday life. They carry different fears, different outlooks, different methods when going out and socialise based on their gender. We have been raised to normalise certain acts, we have raised our daughters to be fearful of every situation and our boys to not be.
We encourage men to travel and make the most of life, while we tell the girls it’s a dangerous world out there. You need to be more cautious, never be alone. Always watch your back, don’t talk to strange men. Don’t leave your drinks, don’t accept lifts, don’t stray into places alone. Police what you wear, what ‘impression’ you are giving off with your attire or make up.
Think about these things.
If in your heart you want to stand up and say ‘Not all men’ are you also someone who raises your girls to be extra careful? You may have sons that you are raising with decency and respect but I can bet your bottom dollar you yourself watch out in dark alleys, avoid certain areas, constantly aware as a woman, and raise your girls to be the same. Why? Because it may not be ALL men but it’s a huge percentage of the society we live in and danger comes in more forms than just sexual assault.
I have been followed, grabbed, groped, cat called, yelled at for daring to refuse men in bars. I was one of the many who could say #MeToo. I have met aggressive terrifying behaviours from men my whole life and it started very young with witnessing the cruelty and aggressive dominance they can have over us. I don’t go out thinking – ‘oooh what if a girl follows me, or a girl gets too close, or a girl gets the wrong idea. ‘ A woman knows how it feels and therefore, she is a friendly face if I am ever out alone.
I was raised to fear the abilities of men …yes even the innocent ones who just walk behind you on the street. In fact so many times I have been terrified of some random man walking behind me on a night walk home from work and worked myself into a panic, clutching my keys ready to defend myself and quickening my pace, just for him to cross the street last minute and wander off, oblivious to what he just made me feel. Then the stupid relief that I worked myself into fear, laughing it off but staying on edge, without even realising this was what I was raised to be like, by society. Instead of men being made to behave in a better way, we were told we had to take the precautions to not ‘bring it on ourself’. How many times have you seen a story in the paper – ‘Girl mugged in alley and left fearing for her life’ and instantly thought ‘Well she shouldn’t have been walking there alone!’. Admit it!! It’s almost a knee jerk reaction because you have been raised in rape culture and we are programmed to immediately victim shame rather than point fingers where it should be pointed. Usually men. We have been raised to take the blame and defend the actions of our menfolks. We have been programmed to think this is our fault, and we apply the same accusation to others when they speak out. ‘We asked for it.’
We do not ask for anything.
Now do not start the whole – women do this too. Yes they do, this is not about them and the percentage rates are considerably different. If they were more balanced then both genders would live in the same fear – but they do not.

Thing is, WE can teach our young men to think about their conduct in the way we teach girls to constantly fear. Ask them to walk a little further back, be aware of how they come across to girls when they are alone or vulnerable. Ask them to not harass women in bars after the rejection is given and respect the fact she isn’t there for your pleasure. Ask them not to get aggressive and say ‘F*** You, Lesbian.’ Teach them to handle rejection. Teach them about boundaries…that being friend-zoned by a girl doesn’t mean you ditch them (we are not here for the soul purpose of being your sex object). Teach them to stand up to their friends cat calling, making lewd or sexual comments. Teach them that in high school bullying a girl does not express that you fancy her. Teach them that pinging her bra is sexual assault. Teach them that they have control of their hormones even if a girl wears something revealing. Teach them that we are worthy of being protected and respected. Teach them not to spread rumours about girls they ‘banged’ like it’s a badge of manhood.
To those raising those sons – I applaud you. Decent men exist thanks to your efforts. Now we need them to stand up to their peers and point out that things need to change. Women are not willing to live this way anymore.
We want a future where we don’t raise our girls telling them – you must always be alert to the dangers from men.
Reverse the mentality – men should be raised to be aware of how they can make us feel safer.
XXX

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